I wish my penis had an off switch
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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