Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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