I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
