Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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