physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
