Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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