I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
