i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
