He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
