Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
