my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
