i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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