WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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