If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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