VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
