when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
