Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
