how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
