And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
