I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
