I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
