sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
