I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
