Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to make out with him forever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
