Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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