when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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