she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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