The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
