Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
