I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
