Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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