i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
