Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
