if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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