My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
