Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize