we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
