It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
