i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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