Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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