She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
