Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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