The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
