Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
