Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
