The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
