Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
