does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
