Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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