I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
whose parrot is this?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
