Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
