Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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