I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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