I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
