My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
FUCK WHALES
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
