Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
