I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
