You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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