Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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