he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
