Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
