All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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