this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
