This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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