So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
