Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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