I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
