she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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