Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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