eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
